I bet he comes in French.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
