The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
