it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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