He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
