so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Randomize
