So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
