how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
