I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
