Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize