Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
