oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
