walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
