eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
