It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Randomize
