I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i drank out of a bidet.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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