I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
