I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
