He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
