He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
