God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
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