I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
