her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
