Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
