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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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