I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
