Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Your dad touched me again.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
