Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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