I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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