Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
pray to the hookup gods
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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