Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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