hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
