I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
