I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
