The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
