Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
