her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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