i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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