He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
