Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
my poor anus
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
