your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
