i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
