Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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