i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
