Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Your shirt... Was in my pants
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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