Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
