??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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