Im at strip club and am horny
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
