Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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