I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Two words: blizzard sex
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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