All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
