Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize