just come out here and I will go home with you...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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