fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
