i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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