I never want to see another naked old woman again.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
