I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
