my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
