I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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