Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
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