The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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