An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
