So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
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