Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
