Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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