i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
