Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
