Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
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