the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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