Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
