Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
