The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
