Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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