My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
