your thong is hanging out like whoa
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
