You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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