Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
