It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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