I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
