she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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