I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
