This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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