Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
