im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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