i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
