Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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