I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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