when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
