Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
