Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize