and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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