how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
