My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
