After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
