Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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