So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
the liver wants what the liver wants
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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