The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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