I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
