All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
