Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
false alarm. still invincible.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
