your room smells of hookers.
And success
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
