remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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