Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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