if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
