Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
