I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You were trust falling into bushes
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
