Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
