I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
i believe in u and ur pee
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
