I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
