so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
