Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
